July 16 - Here we are

As I settle into a place of unknowing this evening…my mind races. What does the future look like? Will the world as we once knew it ever come back to us? Or will we forever be a mask wearing society that argues and hates?
Lately my heart has found a new place to land, in my throat. I can feel the tensions of this unknown world everywhere I go (which to be quite honest isn’t very many places), but heck you don’t have to physically be around the human race to feel the tension and the pain that our country especially, is feeling. It makes my heart hurt, my soul ache and my mind continues to race. It’s hard for me to accept that my sweet cousin babes (all blondies, 3 boys and 3 girls - all under the age of 10) are growing up in a world that feels like its about to burst at the seams. I come home at night and sit in silence, just to calm myself down and find that the alone time is not even how it used to be. I wonder and ponder how my sweet little cousins are feeling, how broken their little hearts are because they can’t see their best friends out on the playground or their favorite art teacher in a place that gives them so much reprieve from the hectic life they used to live. That this school year will be like nothing they have ever experienced. That there is so much that they simply don’t understand and can’t comprehend (and let’s face it us adults aren’t too far behind in the don’t understand department). And there again, my heart has found it’s way into the tiny space of my throat. I feel for these kiddos, for all the parents and teachers…it seems like everyone’s world has been shaken upside down and NOT in a good way. So many decisions, that really don’t have a right answer one way or another. And the tension grows.
The last couple of weeks have been such a reflective time for me. COVID-19 and all the racial hate going on…how do we re-create a world that has been hurting for so long? How do we filter love into a nation that’s felt so much pain and injustice? How do we all start treating each other with kindness, thoughtfulness and love??
All of this has been too much…
Over the last few years I’ve become very perceptive when it comes to others and their energies. It’s hard to shut-off this “gift” of mine lately and it’s truly impacting my life. I can feel, even in my small rural community, the severe hurt and pain that everyone is living through right now. I try to use all the boundary lessons and bubbling up exercises I’ve learned over the years, but nothing seems to help. The feeling of impending “doom” and pain, is constantly there. I truly feel like there is an outrageous amount of mistrust in the world today, which is creating more divide than connection. That people forget that we were all created in the image of our God. We were put on this earth to do amazing things and we are letting all the negativity and pain cloud over the good works we are actually supposed to be doing. The uncertainty amidst all of everything that’s happening has darkened everyone’s minds, hearts and lives.
And I think and wonder if there are others out there like me…wondering how they can help? How can we make a difference in this hurting world? How can we bring the love back?
I will ponder these questions as I drift off to sleep tonight…hoping and praying that we find the light that I know still exists in this world of ours. That light that is inside each and everyone of us…all I wish for is the world to heal and become a beautiful place where everyone feels loved and cherished. Because each and everyone of us is truly so very special.
Much love & gratitude,
Kelsey Ann

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